What Not To Do At Job Interviews

Part of the Belfry Cronicles is doling out advice to those who aren't seeking it. Today's topic:

What Not To Do At Job Interviews:

This is from a friend:

“I have been interviewing potential candidates for internships this summer at the office- here are some of the more qualified candidates.

1. A potential intern showed up in jeans and a polo with tennis shoes (he interviewed ok but I thought he was going to cry when he was talking about his childhood-- his father left when he was young-- which made me really uncomfortable – you know how I feel about crying). I feel like bringing up your terrible childhood should not be the answer to -"Tell me about yourself." Within the first minute I knew more about him that I do most of the men I date.
2. When I asked a potential intern "why would you like to work here?" he stated, "Well I am going to be here this summer and it would pretty much be AWESOME" emphasis on awesome.
3. A masters student who I kept telling her she was over qualified. She was so quiet and mouse-like I thought I would break her when I shook her hand. When I asked her what she wanted to do here, she said she really wanted to do outreach, PR, and events. When I asked her what a coworker would say about her she said "I am very quiet and shy". That is exactly what I am looking for – someone who is scared of people to go to events with people.
4. I asked one of the potential applicants, "What made you want to work for Jane Doe Smith?" he replied, "Who is Jane Doe Smith?"
5. At the end of a particularly bad interview I decided to be a little cruel because I am a little cruel. I said to the guy, "So I noticed from the 5th page of your resume that you enjoy playing disc golf with family and friends on weekends and nights because you find it enjoyable." (I was trying to hint that a resume should never be 5 pages, and the fact that you like disc golf and the details of your liking it– has no place on a resume) he responded, "In Europe they are asking for 4 page resumes now." Did the State of Wisconsin move to Europe without my knowledge?

Oh my god these people suck at life.”

If you are any one of these people… STOP IT. You will not be hired!!

You also will not be hired for 99.9% of professional positions if:
1. You show up in tennis shoes. Much less dirty ones.
2. You wear jeans. Extra demerit points if they are torn and/or dirty.
3. You wear t-shirts. Again, extra demerit points if it bears sexually suggestive slogans.
4. Inappropriate displays of skin, tattoos, piercings (especially the nose or lip) or hair colored or styled in avante garde ways to display your personality. If they wanted a unique personality, well… they don’t. Trust me, they don’t.
5. You show up in shorts.
6. You show up in shorts, a torn, dirty t-shirt, dirty tennis shoes with no socks, your hair not combed and garden gloves jammed in your back pocket. (Yes, this really was how someone showed up for a professional interview.)
7. Do not tell them your life story.
8. Keep the resume to no more than 2 pages. If you have to/want to, put under ‘References’ “References Upon Request”. Bring them with you, typed in the same style as the resume.
9. Be aware of your body language. If you look ready to bolt, they’ll let you. Relax. These are friends you just haven’t met yet.
10. Don’t look down. Look people in the eye. Practice firm handshakes.
11. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should they?

What Should You Do?

1. Invest in a good suit (goes for women too!), a nice pair of dress shoes, and a decent haircut.
2. Go to a stylist and have them dress you for success because unless your parents are white collar professionals, you probably haven’t had a role model to help you. And since you may not realize that your parents aren’t stupid yet, a stylist is a must. Someone who specializes in a professional look.
3. You don’t have to dress this way 24/7. It’s a role you have to play and look to get the job, be taken seriously, and get ahead.